Vacation
I’m on vacation. And because I have no money despite working two jobs, I’m not able to do anything but dick around on the internet and watch TV. So, while dicking around on the internet, I had this conversation that now I’ll share with you because I am alone in my house and starved for attention (which I won’t get because no one reads this):
Me: Read all of this: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/
D: i already don’t have much to do. now i am going to sit and stare intently at my computer screen. and laugh every 37 seconds.
Me: I’m excited that I’ve given you the gift of distraction. And if you’re only laughing every 37 seconds, you’re either reading too slow or you have no soul.
D: wow. you just called me dumb and soul-less all at once.
Me: I’m talented at deflating people’s self-esteem, remember?
D: after only talking once in the past 4 months, i’m not sure i’m not offended.
Me: Also, it was “or”.
D: :) how quickly i forget.
D: i felt good about myself a little while ago… now i don’t… i must have talked to [you]!
Me: I don’t try to do it or anything. It’s hereditary, like sickle cell and alcoholism.
D: aww.
Me: More like alcoholism than sickle cell though, since it hurts me and the people I care about.
D: wow. super sad.
Me: Also, it won’t give me sausage digit (real thing! that sickle cell gives you! weird!).
D: what IS that?!
Me: Exactly what it sounds like.
D: that is awful.
D: sausage digits. ugh.
Me: And it could last a month! One month of just one finger being completely sausaged! God I hope it’s my middle finger if I get that, which I won’t, because I have hereditary assholism and not sickle cell.
