Holy Shithouse Rats
This morning should bring more of the crazy: Breitbart himself at 9:00am, introduced by Giles herself (who got a Buckley Award, as consolation prize I suppose); followed by Bill Bennett, a panel with Jonah Goldberg and Amity Shlaes; John Bolton; Ann Coulter; underappreciated lunatic ranter Bob McEwen; a panel about the global warming hoax, and of course the closing keynote by Glenn Beck. I can’t wait.
Holy shit. Look at that list. Take a peek at the complete and utter shitassery of that collection of bankrupt intellects and fear-mongering assfuckers. The very notion of sitting in a room where Jonah Goldberg AND Amity Shales are supposed to be the fucking experts brings to mind my little cousin’s stuffed animal birthday parties, where she lined up all her Winnie the Poohs, Paddington Bears and various pink and purple plush creatures to feed them cake and tea and to hear them all thank her as they left to go home. To imagine that Goldberg and Shales are indulging in anything but some kind of petty narcissism asks me to suspend my disbelief far beyond my power to do so.
AND YET! This shit is for real. People are paying to have batshit not just lightly tossed in their general direction, but shoveled down their throats using funnels and hydraulics and such. But, I suppose if you’re going to have shit hydraulically shoved in your mouth for 8 hours, you want it done by some professional-assed motherfuckers in the shit industry, and they don’t come any more batshit than the motherfuckers up there.
I mean, I honestly can’t work up any rage here because this list of people does a better job of parodying the comical levels of fuckwittery that the right continues to ascend to than I could ever imagine to work out on my own. Who would you add or subtract to make it funnier? Dick Cheney? Little on the nose. Bush? They’ve turned on him faster than the guy at the country club who turned out to be an octoroon. You know why you can’t think of anyone? Because it’s impossible. This is the fucking Zenith of self-parody. This is on some fucking Hendrix at Monterrrey level shit here, except instead of badass rock and roll, it’s sheer fucking ridiculousness.
Can you imagine yourself sitting in a room and listening to any one of these people for more than 35 seconds without lopping off your own ear and feeding it to whichever asstastic fucktaster happened to be speaking at the time? Bullshit, liar. You can’t. Not even for sociological purposes like Jane Goodall with the gorillas, letting nature take its course or what have you. Bill Bennett would be choking on your fucking ear in under a minute, and you fucking know it.
The bottom line is that all these people are crazy, racist, anti-democratic shitheels who are a blight not just on the American political scene but a blot on humanity as a whole. Their violent, hateful and ignorant rhetoric incites to people to fly planes into buildings and murder and all kinds of other shit just like any crazy-assed Islamic mullah hell bent on destroying the Great Satan, only these motherfuckers are doing it to their own country. Their philosophy is so morally bankrupt that the three-legged stool on which it stands is torture, racism and treason. Just fucking wow.
These people are a fucking scourge on the earth, of that there’s no doubt. And part of me says to burn whatever convention center their hosting this in to the ground, salt the fucking earth and let it sit there barren, as a reminder to a time in our history when we got so fucking off the rails with fear and cocksuckery that we let people like these sit at the fucking big kids table. A huge fucking part of me wants that.
Actually, now that I’ve typed it out, I’m not going to be a bigger person and suggest some bullshit like “they’ll slide on to irrelevancy on their own and being completely wiped from our collective memory —- or as the punchline to a joke —- is the only fitting monument to a movement so empty.” No. It turns out I’m not big enough, or kind enough, to want anything good for them. Burn the place the fuck down. Salt the fucking earth around it. Let it lie fallow as a caution and reminder.
Burn. It. Down.
