January 2012
1 post
MURK AVENUE: I FOUND ICE CUBES 'GOOD DAY' →
murkavenue:
CLUE 1: “went to short dogs house, they was watching Yo MTV RAPS” Yo MTV RAPS first aired: Aug 6th 1988 CLUE 2: Ice Cubes single “today was a good day” released on: Feb 23 1993 CLUE 3: ”The Lakers beat the Super Sonics” Dates between Yo MTV Raps air date AUGUST 6 1988 and the release…
July 2011
1 post
June 2011
1 post
April 2011
1 post
October 2010
2 posts
This Makes Me So Fucking Sad →
The world is worse off for no longer having him here.
September 2010
2 posts
Awwww .... Hamburgers!
That is all.
August 2010
1 post
Vacation
I’m on vacation. And because I have no money despite working two jobs, I’m not able to do anything but dick around on the internet and watch TV. So, while dicking around on the internet, I had this conversation that now I’ll share with you because I am alone in my house and starved for attention (which I won’t get because no one reads this):
Me: Read all of this:...
July 2010
2 posts
He's Still a Huge Cockgobbler →
“Early in Kobe Bryant’s career, he put out a half-baked rap song and music video that featured Tyra Banks. And really, that’s the difference between Kobe and LeBron. Kobe didn’t have to deal with YouTube, he didn’t have to worry about Deadspin, PTI, SportsNation making talking points out of it, or deal with the fact that a video like that would probably have been...
June 2010
3 posts
“I said “hella” for the first time.”
– Sometimes We Mean It #SlowlyBecomingCalifornian (via sometimeswemeanit)
Dead to me.
May 2010
4 posts
Lost Series Finale
Yeah, I know it’s not until next week.
I’ve never really watched the show save for some people showing me scenes. From what I can gather, it’s basically Myst the TV show. Anyway, since the gist seems to be garnering a huge following and then fucking with them as you pile bullshit plot twist on bullshit plot twist, there’s only one possible finale. That’s right:
Two...
"You don't understand how much the balls this...
Things I Drink has been on a two-week hiatus because of work. But this afternoon I sent the above as a text to my wife after finally venturing to Drink, and am back in the drinking/writing saddle. A Negroni, a Little Italy and a Cell 34 later, I can say that if heaven is anything like this place, I’m no longer afraid to die. Drinks made with care both in ingredients and construction, in an...
Aw, Shit; AKA: "Instead of Goodbye, Let Me Say...
And as I’m sitting in my house, waxing on the beauty of baseball after reading the excerpts of Leitch’s new book, I find out Ernie Harwell has died. Apropos of my previous post: I wish he had five more outs. I wish he had one.
Play ball, Ernie. Somewhere. Play ball.
Leitch Is A God. Not The God, But A God.
Channeling Bartman: “It feels like the Cubs need five more outs. And that feels like a lot of outs. It always does.”
More here and here. Seriously. It might be some pastoral, George Will type shit that you can’t bother to care about, but it’s still also some crisp-assed writing too.
April 2010
10 posts
I Keep Drinking And I Keep Writing About It →
A story about my mother being drunk, my hangover cures and Bloody Marys.
Wherein I Discover SEC (Not That SEC) Employees... →
And also audition to be a headline writer at the New York Post.
Drinking post up later.
My Drinking Post Will Depress the Shit Out of You →
Seriously. This is some maudlin shit, and probably maudlin bullshit at that. Drink. And send me suggestions for next week unless you want more sadness.
More Things I Drink! →
This is the longest one so far, but it’s also my favorite. I think next week will be either the Dark and Stormy or whatever I happen to order too many of this weekend.
Breakfast
D: Yo, I’m about to sue these people, Mr. W.
Me: What people?
D: These people!
Me: What people are you suing and why?
D: It’s illegal to squish muffins in Boston, man. I’m taking these people to court.
Me: That’s an English muffin, D. They’re made that way. Also, I’m pretty sure that’s not a law.
D: Don’t tell me what the law is. You...
Breaking Up a Fight Between Ten Year Olds
A: Get the fuck off me motherfucker!
C: Your mother’s a bitch, bitch!
A: Yo! He’s talking about my mother! Get the fuck off me!
C: I’m your father, bitch! You’re a bitch! You’re whole family’s a bitch!
/another staff member takes C away
/fifteen seconds later
A: I am not a comfy fucking couch! Stop fucking leaning on me! Shit!
Things I Drink
I am absolutely busted right now when it comes to work so I haven’t been posting here at all, or on V&V much. But, I decided that writing about drinking would be a great way to kick of my weekends, so I started a weekly feature there called “Things I Drink and So Should You”.
Week 1: The Negroni
Week 2: The Charles River Highball
Pretty gin-heavy at the moment, but...
March 2010
14 posts
Parks and Rec
Don’t sleep:
Leslie: Why would people eat anything but breakfast food?
Ron: Leslie. People are idiots. /eats giant piece of bacon
Chat with C, 3/24
C: What kind of pizza are you getting?
Me: I would really like to get the Pedro's Steak and Gorgonzola, but I know you hate that, so I'll get something else.
Me: Prob. the Johnny Bucyk.
C: I don't hate that!
C: I don't like feta on my pizza.
Me: I can't believe you exclamation-ed me.
C: We're talking food. It's exclamation worthy.
Thanks, "Life"
Apparently, when Komodo Dragons bite something, they inject it with an anti-clotting agent, which causes it to bleed out. In the case of something huge, like a water buffalo, that could take weeks.
Apparently, it will follow the poor fucking sad-sack around, licking its fucking tongue in the buffalo’s face, just fucking with it, all up in its face and whatnot. And if that weren’t...
Gimme a fuckin' siren
My wife, watching capuchin monkey babies fail to successfully crack* open coconuts:
C: I would totally watch a TV show about clumsy monkeys.
She wants me to note that she is not, in fact, high.
*I initially posted this without spellcheck and didn’t notice I’d spelt it crak. I also, in fact, am not high. Seriously. Neither of us are. It’s sad, but we’re like this.
Watching the new "Life" documentary
Me: I don’t know how I feel about the octopus. I don’t think God had a hand in creating the octopus.
C: There are a lot of things in the ocean that God looks at and thinks “grmmmmmm”.
/watches octopus lay 8000 eggs, breathe water on them and die
C: Dude. That sucks.
Why can’t I root against Villa? They’re Spurs main competition for fourth (though that dream might die between Defoe’s hamstring and Lennon’s groin … which is a nasty but appropriate image), but I find them too damned likable. Of course, generally when I root for teams, they lose (see: Spurs, Bengals, Michigan), so I have that going for me.
Oh, Baseball
” In 2001, the San Francisco Giants got 20 men on base in 18 innings against seven Arizona pitchers, and did not score.” Seriously. That should be impossible. I fucking love baseball.
(Statistic from the incomparable Joe Posnanski.)
Fliza Minelli
Great pet name for a bird. Also, Shel Turtlestein for … obvs. … a turtle. Thanks, Modern Family.
First Time I've Been Happy to Have This
The previous holder of my work phone apparently signed up for a daily “Yo Mama” text. Every day at 4pm, I dread getting the dual texts of the shitty joke followed in short order by the notice that they’ve tried and failed to bill my account (take it up with my boss).
Anyway, I thought today’s was awesome and though I feel shitty basically sharing a joke of the day, I am...
My First Post at V&V →
It’s me waxing on Biggie Smalls and his impact on my understanding of what art might mean in my life, and it’s exactly as sappy and bullshit as it sounds. But, hey! Comments! Leave them!
It's Not You, It's Me
Between not having time and not having the energy to summon up rage, this place has become essentially an empty house on this internet block. I started this page to get out just a tiny bit of my endless rage, but though the rage remains, my heart hasn’t been in keeping up the surly character the less-than-ten of you who follow me had come to expect.
I’m not bowing out completely, but...
http://blog.sojo.net/2010/02/24/professional-women-... →
laughwithrage:
I wish that I could say that such thoughts don’t plague me, but I’d be lying through my teeth. I recently had a conversation with one of the brightest and most interesting women that I know. She encouraged me (as she often has before) to pursue a doctoral degree. I brushed off her suggestions (as I often have before). This time, I offhandedly mentioned that I wondered if I...
Not me, but it absolutely could've been, any time...
(269): You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
February 2010
19 posts
Don't Make Me Work For Your Shit
Goodbye, Atlantic blogs. I will miss you TNC and Fallows, but fuck that shit. You’re off the list. I look forward to a time when you (well, one of you, TNC) moves to a place that understands how the internet works. Shame.
Work
Just a quick piece about how quickly kids change their whole attitude, lifted directly from case notes (I am WH):
2:17 - CW refused to leave room for timeout after throwing a broom at students and staff (WH), escorted from room.
2:21 - CW ripped back off chair and assaulted staff (WH). Yelling. Remarks about torture and uncaring staff, WH in particular.
2:28 - CW asks WH to show...
Hey, NBC
Good job passing up that hockey game for Johnny Cash on Ice, you witless fucks.
Poking the Bear
Not to sound like an Arsenal fan*, but the pitch at Wigan today was nearly unplayable, and the styles on display showed that. It was a good result in the end, and nice to see Pav get out there and prove himself useful (and Huddlestone prove himself useless in the kind of match you’d think might benefit him**), but good Jesus that was an awful 90 minutes, most of it down to the state of the...
He's a substitute teacher
And he just answered a question about the plague by saying: “What is bucolic?”
Our education system is fucked.
Alex would've also accepted grouper.
Watching Jeaopardy with the wife this evening*, this question came up:
Denis Leary says of firefighters, “You have to be like” this sea creature. “You have to keep moving forward.”
Dude buzzes in right away.
“What is a sea horse.” Stone cold baller, that guy. Idiot, but baller.
On a related note, a friend of mine showed up at a party once after driving all...
Holy Shithouse Rats
CPAC, Bitchez:
This morning should bring more of the crazy: Breitbart himself at 9:00am, introduced by Giles herself (who got a Buckley Award, as consolation prize I suppose); followed by Bill Bennett, a panel with Jonah Goldberg and Amity Shlaes; John Bolton; Ann Coulter; underappreciated lunatic ranter Bob McEwen; a panel about the global warming hoax, and of course the closing keynote by...
"Malt liquor drinking remains the Himalayan... →
If anything good can come from the football off-season, surely it is Spicy Living at EDSBS.